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"We've been married for nearly twenty-five years. We're happy with two successful children. The problem is that over the past year, I keep thinking about an affair my husband had over twenty years ago. It nearly destroyed the marriage but we have survived and he has been a terrific understanding husband and father since then.
The intensity of my feelings and even anger are bothering me and growing. I thought I'd gotten over this. I haven't said anything to him but he knows something is wrong. My mother and sister tell me to let it go or I'll ruin the marriage over something that happened long ago. What's happening to me and what can I do?"
It is not uncommon for the painful events from the past to flood into our minds at a later date. In this case, your mother and sister are giving you good advice. Do not let this horrible past event ruin your present and future.
You need to talk to your husband and let him know you love him and have forgiven him for your past hurt, but that the old feelings are coming back. In effect, they are Ęcausing feelings of anger, hurt, low self-esteem, confusion and worry.
From what you say, he is understanding and will be supportive. You need this from him and he needs to show his support even though the cause goes back many years. The key is for you to express your feelings openly and for him not to feel attacked. He must not misinterpret your feelings for current mistrust.
It is reasonable to assume you have not fully addressed your feelings. You need to give credence to them and not just bury them as you apparently have over the years. Hopefully, you can talk to him and together can exorcise the pain.
If it is too difficult to resolve those feelings alone or with the two of you, you could find a pastor and/or therapist experienced in such delicate and painful matters to help you and offer support.
Do not underestimate the damage these feelings can cause you emotionally. Ultimately they could destroy the marriage. This is not what you want.
To overcome these old but still painful hurts will not be easy but clearly worth the effort for your sake and the rest of the family. I believe if you and your husband work hard together on this, the rest of your years together can be wonderful.