You Can Still Teach Compassion To Teens
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You Can Still Teach Compassion To Teens
Question
Dr. Braccio: We are feeling like a bust as parents. Our kids expect everything and sadly we give it to them. What brought it to a head was when our church wanted volunteers to help do some work for the poor. They complained and said taxes take care of them and they were busy. We feel they should want to help sometimes if asked to do something in the community. We did and obviously did not teach them right. They are thirteen and fourteen year old boys. What can we do? Is it too late to change them?
Answer
To change their outlook will be challenging; however, it is never to late to change. Unfortunately, their outlook is extremely common in our teens. Too many have done very well at our expense but not by their own energy and investment of values. Your children cannot feel compassion for the "have nots" when they have only known what it is like to have everything they want or need. After all, in their thinking, why burst their bubble of protection and prosperity with exposure to the problems of others? They need to internalize the wise statement, "To whom much is given, much is expected". Then they can develop some human compassion and humility.
Sometimes, radical rethinking and pattern alternation can help. For example, require some type of community service to earn their next "goodies". Make it a point to do community outreach as a family. In that way, you model and support these values while including them.
Do not be afraid to openly share with your teens about your concerns. Let them know that past oversights on your part helped to create this lack of compassion, generosity, and understanding, but now it is time to create those values and that you plan to do it together.
Many young people have done well to connect with church and organizations that provide protection and outreach efforts, like painting houses, helping children and raking leaves. To have them engage in these activities with their peers may offer comradery and cooperative efforts for the service of others. They may even get to enjoy it.
Although it is not too late to instill the values of service and generosity, the return on the effort will be proportional to how energetically all of you pursue this change of attitude and of heart as parents and as a family.
And do not forget, sometimes doing without is actually receiving more. It can build character, intimacy and depth of spirit. It also teaches empathy, resourcefulness and independence. Invest your energy in compassion and conserve your physical resources.