Set Assertive Example For Children
« Son's Socialization Skills Need Improvement | Main | Make Positive Thinking a Daily Ritual »
Set Assertive Example For Children
Question
Dr. Braccio: My husband and I worry for our two and four year old children. We met and fell in love after difficult youths and often being taken advantage of by others. We feel we've "played the fool" for many persons. Our love has shielded us from the many hurts we've suffered. We're in love with each other but feel we have low self-esteem and do not want to pass it on to our children. What can we do? We love our children so much.
Answer
You two seem like wonderful and loving persons at a spousal and parental level. I am sure it transfers to others you care about.
A positive outcome of people who have been taken advantage of is that they often are sensitive and caring persons; however, the goal is for you and your children to be sensitive and caring while effectively asserting yourselves. Then each of you will have healthy self-esteem that enhances you as human beings and does not allow others to take advantage of your goodness.
Few things are more stinging psychologically than the pain one feels when 'playing the fool' for others. Make sure the present and future are free of such negative experiences. Proudly say 'never again' when you remember the past.
Your self-esteem needs to be determined by yourselves and not others. Make your own road in life and declare yourselves non-victims and stand tall as human beings on an equal status with everyone.
Both of you need to model assertive behavior if you want your children to not be like you have been . Ultimately good self-esteem comes from within one's self. The internal mirror needs to have a loving reflection for you to see.
The use of examples in everyday life that you encounter to explain what is appropriate assertive behavior would also be helpful. Examples could be the following:
1. When an employee refuses to be treated unfairly.
2. When a person will not listen to inappropriate jokes.
3. When a person says no when someone wants her/him to do something he/she
appropriately does not want to do.
4. When a person will not join others in demeaning other human beings.
5. When a person stands up for his/her religious and/or moral beliefs.
6. When a person asserts his/her rights when someone would take them away.
7. When one stands up for someone who is being treated inappropriately.
Be proud of the love you share and see it as the wondrous self-esteem gift you will pass on to your children. Such love is the cornerstone of positive self-esteem. Add assertive modeling and teaching by both of you and positive self-esteem will be the result.