Life Is Unfair, But We Have To Keep Going
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Life Is Unfair, But We Have To Keep Going
Question
We have had a lot of frustration the past three years. My mother and my husband's father died after long illnesses, our children and grandchildren moved to the West Coast and we've lost a lot of our retirement funds in the stock market. At least things are getting better there. The problem is that we're upset and think life isn't fair to us. This may not be reasonable, but it's how we feel. Our jobs and health are okay but we're down. What can we do? We firmly believe in God, but are hurting.
Answer
Accept your feelings are valid but do not let them control your lives. To grieve the loss of your parents, children and grandchildren to far away places, and losing a lot of your retirement funds would take the steam out of anyone. What you must do is accept it has happened, as unfortunate as it might be, and move on to compensate as best you can with good decisions and positive thoughts for the future.
To begin with, life is clearly not fair. We must make the best decisions we can to give us the best probability for success and happiness; however, unexpected accidents, illnesses, changes in the economy, movement of loved ones, etc., can weigh on us emotionally and/or physically.
True love and friendships can help us through the worst of times. To have persons there who will help us through the tough spots is critical. You have each other and your children and grandchildren, ever if far away, who love you. Rejoice in your love for each other and work together to help you through this difficult period.
We must never compare ourselves with others. We only can control our lives and need to do that as best we can. Comparison causes unhappiness because it too often is human nature to compare ourselves in difficult times with those more fortunate.
You can only be yourselves. These are your lives. You each need to put yourselves in the driver's seat and take control of your lives.
Keep regular contact with letters, phone calls, and emails with your children and grandchildren. Plan trips as much as possible to spend time as a full family. The anticipation and planning of what you will do when together can positively help occupy your thoughts and make their loss less painful.
With your children gone, you need to do thing things with new people. Seek them out at work, in the community or at your church.
Spirituality can help you as you pray for guidance and support. Sincere prayer has led to many great insights and positive changes in the hearts and outlook of believers.
You may find support from a pastor or therapist experienced in grieving and loss such as you have suffered.